ESSAY 15

SORU:

If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what
would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your
answer.

Kasabanızla ilgili önemli bir değişiklik yapabilecek olsanız neyi değiştirirsiniz? Spesifik sebepler ve örneklerle seçiminizi açıklayınız.

 

In this day and age, according to technological and economical developments, most people have their own car in Istanbul. Istanbul has a great population.More than 15 millions people lives there and because of the weakness of public transportation, most of them prefers
using their own car to go everywhere. As a result of that preference, traffic problem is inevitable. I would like to change traffic in Istanbul because of the waste of time and the psychological damages.

These days, people spend time in traffic more than ever in Istanbul. Because of the badness of public transportation and big population, traffic is jammed almost everyhour of day.Firstly, in rush hour, almost 1 million cars on traffic and it creates amazing jam. For instance, if you want to go to your office, which is far away from your home like 15 miles, you have to spend almost 2-2,5 hours. For that distance, it is not a logical duration. Secondly, the bridges
between the Europe and Asia are the major places where people spend their most of time. For example, in spite of the the short distance of the bridge, Bosphorus, you have to spend more than 45 minutes to pass that. When there is a will, there is a way but in Istanbul that way takes more time.

Another effect of traffic jam is about the psychology of people. Traffic is not a place where people like to spend their time. Everyone wants to go where they want as soon as possible, but in Istanbul it is nearly impossible. Firstly, drivers are always in hurry so lots of car accidents happen in roads. People always have to defend both themselves and their cars. From an emotional angle, it creates lots of stress on us. Secondly, like i said before, it is too hard to be on time. As result of that timing, people get late. The more they get late the more they feel anxious. Traffic makes people exhausted and uneasy.

To conclude, traffic is the thing i like to change in my hometown owing to psychological damages and waste of time. I hope this problem will be solved in the near future by government. That’s my only wish about my hometown.

DEĞERLENDİRME:

In this day and age, according to (with / owing to) technological and economical developments, most people have their own car in Istanbul. Istanbul has a great population. More than 15 millions people (15 million people) lives (subject-verb agreement: one person lives and many people live) there and because of the weakness (inadequacy / insufficiency) of public transportation, most of them prefers (subject-verb agreement: one of them prefers and most of them prefer) using their own car to go everywhere. As a result of that preference, traffic problem is inevitable. I would like to change traffic in Istanbul because of the waste of time and the psychological damages.

These days, people spend time in traffic more than ever in Istanbul. Because of the badness of public transportation and big population, traffic is jammed almost everyhour of the day. Firstly, in rush hour, there are almost 1 million cars on traffic (on the roads / in traffic) and this creates an amazing jam (congestion). For instance, if you want to go to your office, which is far away from your home like 15 miles, you have to spend almost 2-2,5 hours. For that distance, it is not a logical duration. Secondly, the bridges between the Europe (Europe) and Asia are the major places where people spend their most of time (most of their time). For example, in spite of the the short distance of the bridge, Bosphorus, you have to spend more than 45 minutes to pass that (it). When there is a will, there is a way, but in Istanbul that way takes more time.

Another effect of traffic jam is about the psychology of people. Traffic is not a place where people like to spend their time. Everyone wants to go where they want as soon as possible, but in Istanbul it is nearly impossible. Firstly, drivers are always in a hurry, so lots of car accidents happen in (on) roads. People always have to defend both themselves and their cars. From an emotional angle, it creates lots of stress on us. Secondly, like I said before (bize kendini tekrarladığını söyleme), it is too hard to be on time. As result of that timing, people get late. The more they get late the more they feel anxious. Traffic makes people exhausted and uneasy.

To conclude, traffic is the thing I’d like to change in my hometown owing to psychological damages and waste of time. I hope this problem will be solved in the near future by the/our government. That’s my only wish about my hometown.

 

EK NOTLAR:

Istanbul has a great population. More than 15 millions people lives there : Bu iki ifade gereksiz yere tekrar edilmiş. Kısaltarak ve basitleştirerek daha etkili cümleler yazabilirsin: Istanbul has a population more than 15 million people.

KELİME SAYISI: 370

GENEL DEĞERLENDİRME:

Her soru açıkça veya göndermeyle “neden” sorusunu cevaplamanı ister. İki gelişme paragrafın sorunu açıklıyor ancak sebeplerini açıklayabilirsin, sorunu gidermek için çözüm önerileri sunabilirsin, sorunu çözdüğünde yaşanacak etkilerden bahsedebilirsin veya trafik sorunun yaşanmadığı yerleri örnek gösterebilirsin. Cümlelerini ve paragraflarını planlarken “why-how-when-where-who” gibi soruları cevaplarsan daha detaylı ve akıcı yazmış olursun.

Unutmaki yazdığın her cümle, paragrafın için bir anlam ve önem taşımalı. Fikirleri tekrarlamak yerine, cümlelerini bir sonraki ile ilişkilendir. İngilizce seviyen bunu yapabilmek için fazlasıyla yeterli. ARTICLES : a – an – the konusunu çalışmanı tavsiye ederim. Özne ile fiilin uyumuna, özellikle tekil çoğul durumuna dikkat edersen bunun gibi basit hatalar yüzünden puanın kırılmaz. Eminim ki daha dikkatli olsan ya da paragrafını bitirdikten sonra kontrol etsen bu tür hataları yapmazsın. Kelime sayısı iyi. Ancak kelimlerini nasıl kullandığın önemli. Fikir tekrarlarından kaçınmak için paralel yapıları kullanmanı tavsiye ederim. Konuya  buradan   çalışabilirsin. 5-6 tane akademik kelime kullanmışsın. 10+ akademik kelimeyi doğru ve yerinde kullanman puanını arttıracaktır.

PUAN: FAIR+

TOEFL DERS NOTLARI DEĞERLENDİRME TABLOSU

 

Level

Test Rating

Scaled Score Range

GOOD

GOOD +

GOOD -

4.0-5.0

24-30

28-30

24-27

FAIR

FAIR +

FAIR -

2.5-3.5

17-23

20-23

17-19

LIMITED

LIMITED +

LIMITED -

1.0-2.0

1-16

13-16

1-12

 

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