ESSAY 13

SORU:

 

Every generation of people is different in important ways. How is your generation different from your parents’ generation? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

Her jenerasyon pek çok yönden farklıdır. Sizin jenerasyonunuz ailenizinkinden hangi yönleriyle farklıdır? Spesifik sebepler ve örnekler kullanarak cevabınızı açıklayınız.

 

As we recognize the differences between multiple generations we can say that, every generation’s people have different features, so that to describe them we can use the word “unique”. Mainly, we cannot just differentiate them about their physical proprieties, but also
they are acting different then us. In a changing world, human behavior change immediately and it is an inevitable result. Due to this, we can say that our generation is mostly different then our parent’s generation.

To begin with, we are in a changing world, every day we recognize new technological inventions, sources and it alters human’s behavior and life style. For instance, cell-phones, internet and other technological sources have been already invented when we were born. In
contrast, when our parents were adolescents they haven’t any knowledge about these technological sources. In my case, it affects human life style in multiple ways such as after these inventions, people started to waste their time by talking on the phone and playing
online games. In contrast, before people were spending their free time by talking with friends, playing games and reading books. So, we can say that this generation became less intelligent and intellectual than the old one. Moreover, our parent’s family was more conservative
than ours. To give an example, my mother was overwhelmed to return at home very early so we can say they were feeling more exhausted than us. At reverse, I am free to return at home whenever I want to return. In addition to this, especially in Turkey there weren’t multiple
malls so, they couldn’t buy that many cloths. However, they were stitch up their own clothes by their own; they were more creative than us. Nowadays, our generation has thousands of ways to buy something so that we can call them as consumers. As a result of being only
consumers but not producers, people stop giving importance to several things, in some cases it became more highlighted in adolescent’s lives.

On the other hand, we have against similar features. For example, we take permeation before going out with friends. We are not that relaxed as Europeans. Furthermore, we are going to school and again the education is very crucial for our future. Emotional relationships are
similar too, even though the way that we live our love may change, we still feel the same things. The advices from our parents about our emotional relationships prove this.

Thus, their are multiple differences between tweo generation at double of them have several advantages even though everything ı am glad to live. All in all, I would choose to live in my generation.

 

DEĞERLENDİRME: 

As we recognize the differences between multiple (gerek yok) generations, we can say that, (virgül yok) every generation’s people have different features, so that to describe (in order to mu demek istedin? Zaten cümlende ana bağlaç (as) ve clause (that) kullanmışsın. Daha fazla bağlaçla cümle eklemeye çalışırken hata yapabilirsin.) them we can use the word “unique”. Mainly, we cannot just differentiate them about (by) their physical proprieties, but also (CORRELATIVE CONJUCTIONS : PARALEL YAPILAR konusuna çalış) they are acting different then (different from (2)) us. In a changing world, human behavior change immediately and it is an inevitable result. Due to this, we can say that our generation is mostly different then (different from (2)) our parent’s generation.

To begin with, we are in a changing world, every day we recognize new technological inventions, sources and it alters human’s behavior and life style (1). For instance, cell-phones, internet and other technological sources have been already (have already been ) invented when we were born (Bir önceki cümledeki fikre örnek olması için kurduğun cümle, örnek olarak bir önceki cümleye nasıl katkıda bulunuyor, açıklıyor mu?) . In contrast (2), when our parents were adolescents , they haven’t (tense uyumsuz ve virgül eksik. Bknz:SUBORDINATING CONJUNCTIONS) any knowledge about these technological sources. In my case (bu bağlaçtan sonra – I zamirini kullanarak – kendi hayatından ve kendi tecrübenden örnek vermen daha uygun olur), it affects human life style in multiple ways such as (such as den sonra cümle gelmez) after these inventions, people started to waste their time by talking on the phone and playing online games. In contrast (2), before people were spending (people used to spend / people would spend : geçmişte kalan davranışlar) their free time by talking with friends, playing games and reading books. So, we can say that this generation became less intelligent and intellectual than the old one. Moreover, our parent’s family was more conservative than ours. To give an example, my mother was overwhelmed to return at home (return home (2)) very early so we can say they were feeling more exhausted than us (ne demek istiyorsun? Daha açık ve anlaşılır bir cümleyle ifade edebilirsin). At reverse (türkilizce) , I am free to return at home (return home (2)) whenever I want to return. In addition to this, especially in Turkey there weren’t multiple (many?) malls so, they (malls, so they) couldn’t buy that many cloths (clothes). However, they were stitch up (made) their own clothes by their own (bknz: YOUR VERY “OWN” MISTAKES); they were more creative than us. Nowadays, our generation has thousands of ways to buy something so that we can call them as (gereksiz) consumers. As a result of being only consumers but not producers, people stop giving importance to several things (ne gibi şeyler?), in some cases (bağlaç değil) it became (becoming. Ayrıca tense uyumsuz) more highlighted in adolescent’s lives.

On the other hand, we have against similar features (türkilizce). For example, we take permeation (spelling: permission. “Ask for permission before” … veya “ask permission to go out …”) before going out with friends. We are not that relaxed as Europeans (fikri açıkla – örnek ver). Furthermore, we are going to school and again the education is very crucial for our future (fikri açıkla – örnek ver). Emotional relationships are similar too (are similar as well veya are also similar), even though the way that we live our love may change, we still feel the same things. The advices from our parents about our emotional relationships prove this.

Thus, their (there) are multiple differences between tweo (two) generation at double (both) of them have several advantages even though everything ı am glad to live (türkilizce). All in all, I would choose to live in my generation.

 

EK NOTLAR:

(1)

To begin with, we are in a changing world, every day we recognize new technological inventions, sources and it alters human’s behavior and life style (1)

Yukarıdaki cümledeki hatalardan biri bağlaç kullanımı. To begin with (bknz: TRANSITIONS) tek bir cümleyi bağlar yani we are, we recognize gibi iki cümle bağlamaz.

And bağlacının kullanımını karıştırmışssın. Öğrenmek için: FANBOYS.

İki cümle önce “in a changing world” deyimini kullanmışsın. Tekrarlardan kaçın. (in an ever-changing world / a world that changes constantly gibi alternatifler yaratabilirsin)

it” zamirinin önceki cümlede karşılığı ne? Davranışları değiştiren dünya mı? İcatlar ve kaynaklar mı?

Cümle anlam karışıklığına yol açıyor: Aşağıdaki cümleler yardımcı olabilir:

  • To begin with, we live in an ever-changing world where we come across/witness new technological inventions and sources that alter our behaviors and life styles.
  • To begin with, we live in an ever-changing world where new technological inventions and sources alter our behaviors and life styles.
  • To begin with, new technological inventions and sources constantly alter our behaviors and life styles.

 

(2)

Kelimelerin tekrarına dikkat etmen gerekir.

 

KELİME SAYISI: 436

 

GENEL DEĞERLENDİRME:

Essay yazarken asıl amaç hatasız cümleler yazmaya çalışmaktır. Yazarken cümlelerine tek tek odaklan. Basit, anlaşılır ve net bir cümle kurmaya çalış. Ardından bir sonraki cümleyi öncekine bağlayarak basit, anlaşılır ve net bir cümle daha yazarak devam et. Zamanlarda tutarsızlık var. Yazdıktan sonra tense kontrolü yap. Basit imla hatalarını da kontrol etmeyi unutma. Thesis ve conclusion bölümlerinde daha güçlü olabilmek için değerlendirilmiş kompozisyonlardan yararlanabilirsin. Fikir cümlelerini ardı ardına sıralamışsın. Her fikir cümlesini açıklaman gerektiğini unutma. Linkleri verilen bağlaç konularını özellikle çalışman gerekiyor. Cümleleri uzatarak ve birleştirerek hata yapmak yerine, cümlelerini böl ve daha basit yaz. Kelime sayısı çok fazla. Paragrafa ek bir anlam veya açıklama getirmeyen cümleleri atarak 350-400 aralığına çekebilirsin. Unutma ki kelime sayısı arttıkça hata riski de artar (bknz: YAYGIN HATA: KELİME SAYISI).

 

PUAN: LIMITED-FAIR (15-18)

 

WRITING SKILLS

 

Level

Test Rating

Scaled Score Range

GOOD

4.0-5.0

24-30

FAIR

2.5-3.5

17-23

LIMITED

1.0-2.0

1-16

 

 

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