ESSAY 16

SORU:

 

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn. Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

“Öğretmenlere, öğrencilerinin ne kadar öğrendiğine göre para ödenmelidir” görüşüne katılıyor musunuz? Spesifik sebepler ve örnekler kullanarak cevabınızı açıklayınız.

 

In this day and age, education is a necessary for all of us and teachers are the basis of this system. They shape our lives from the beginning and that makes them very important for us. In spite of that fact, they deserve a really good wage but how ? In my opinion, teachers shouldn’t get their payments according to their students success because of their students capacities and educational conditions of schools.

Every student does not have same learning capacity or same ability to reach success in educational life. Teachers teach same informations or tricks to all of them but it is not enough to make them successful. For instance, me and my cousin are graduated from a well-known high school in Turkey. After graduation, we entered an exam to earn availablitiy to register a university. I won a technical university, on the other hand my cousin didn’t get that success. Our teachers were same, we went same school and took same lessons from same person
but our success was not same. Thus, i think that deciding the wages, owing to what we learnt, is not logical.

There are not any standards about conditions ofschools. It can be depending on schools students population, history of success and the people graduated from it. For instance, i am studying in Istanbul Technical University, a well-known university in Turkey and also the
oldest one, and our labratories are much better from other universities. As a result of that, our teachers have better chance to teach us. On the other hand, my cousin is a student of average
university and their labs don’t have the same quality with ours. Because of this diffrence, even we have same teachers, we can’t have the same knowledge and obviously, this difference is not teachers fault.

To conclude, students learning capacities and schools educational conditions are not same in everywhere therefore teachers wages must be standard for all of them. But they should get some bonus payments according to their efficiency.

DEĞERLENDİRME:

In this day and age, education is a necessary for all of us, and teachers are the basis of this system. They shape our lives from the beginning and that makes them very important for us. In spite of that fact (önceki cümleyle zıtlık yaratmak için rağmen anlamında bir bağlacı kullanmanı gerektiren bir fikir yok : Because of this (fact) olabilir), they deserve a really good wage, but how? In my opinion, teachers shouldn’t get their payments according to their students success because of their students capacities and educational conditions of schools (EK NOTLAR’da açıklanmıştır).

Every student does not have same (Not every student has the same / Students have different) learning capacity or the same ability to reach (or : attain) success in their educational life (lives). Teachers teach the same informations (information sayılamaz) or tricks to all of them, but it is not enough to make them successful. For instance, me and my cousin are graduated (graduated) from a well-known high school in Turkey. After graduation, we entered an exam to earn availability to register to/with a university. I won (got accepted to) a technical university , on the other hand (on the other hand bağlacının doğru kullanımı için TRANSITIONS konusuna çalışmanı tavsiye ederim) my cousin didn’t get that success (did not succeed / was not successful). Our teachers were the same, we went to the same school and took the same lessons from the same person , but our success was not the same (her ne kadar anlamı daha güçlü kılıyormuş gibi görünse de the same kelimesi çok tekrar edilmiş. Synonym (equal/similar) kullanarak hem güçlü ifadeyi korur hem de daha fazla puan alabilirsin. Same kelimesinin başına the article’ını koymayı unutma)Thus, I think that deciding the wages, owing to what we learnt (we learned / we have learned (USA) / we have learnt (UK). Düzensiz fiillerin 2. ve 3. hallerini gözden geçirmen de yararına olabilir), is not logical.

There are not any standards about conditions of schools. It can be depending (depend) on schools students population (schools’ student population / the population of studens in school / the number students in school / how many students there are) , history of success and the people graduated (graduating) from it (bu tür sıralamalarda hata yapmamak içi PARALEL YAPILAR-COORDINATING CONJUNCTIONS konusuna çalışmanı tavsiye ederim. Essayine puan verenler paralel yapılara özellikle dikkat etmekteler). For instance, I am studying in Istanbul Technical University, a well-known university in Turkey and also the oldest one, and our labratories are much better from (than) other universities. As a result of that, our teachers have a better chance to teach us. On the other hand, my cousin is a student of an/at an average university and their labs don’t (do not) have the same quality with ours. Because of this diffrence, even (even bağlaç değil niteleyicidir : even though) we have the same teachers, we can’t (do not) have the same knowledge and obviously, this difference is not the/our teachers’ fault.

To conclude, students’ learning capacities and schools’ educational conditions are not the same (burada in kullanılmaz) everywhere therefore (TRANSITIONS) teachers wages must (should) be standard for all of them (regardless of the success of their students). But they should get some bonus payments according to their efficiency.(EK NOTLAR’da açıklanmıştır).

 

EK NOTLAR:

In my opinion, teachers shouldn’t get their payments according to their students success because of their students capacities and educational conditions of schools. Thesis cümlesi için alternatifler :

-Some may argue that teachers ought to be paid according to the success of their students. I (tend to/totally/strongly/somewhat) disagree with this statement. The reasons to support my argument are as follows.

-Although some may argue that teachers should be paid according to the success of their students, there are, in my opinion, two main factors that make it impossible to applied.

-Some may argue that teachers ought to be paid according to the success of their students. To me, however, it is quite the opposite. Due to the capacities of students and educational conditions of schools, teachers should not get their payments according to their students’ success / to the success of their students.

 

But they should get some bonus payments according to their efficiency.

-They should still get some bonus payments according to their efficiency.

-They should, however, get some bonus payments according to their efficiency.

-However, they should still get some bonus payments according to their efficiency.

-Nevertheless, they should get some bonus payments according to their efficiency.

KELİME SAYISI: 334

GENEL DEĞERLENDİRME:

Cümle akışı ve mantıksal geçişler iyi. Sebeplerini örneklerle desteklemişsin. ARTICLE konusuna özellikle dikkat etmen gerekir. Paralel yapıları yazdıktan sonra tekrar kontrol et, isimle başladıysan üçü de isim olmalı. Kısaltmaları (can’t) kullanma. Essay puanını bir üst seviyeye çıkarabilmen için alternatif kalıplar/kullanımlar verdim. Bağlaç kullanımlarında hatalarını azaltman gerekir. Basit hatalar yapmadan, daha çok akademik kelime, daha üst seviye yapılar ve daha çok eş anlamlı kelime ile yazmaya çalış. Gelişme paragrafları için firstly/secondly gibi hazırlayıcı ifadeler kullanmaktan çekinme. Kelime sayında sorun yok. Akademik kelime sayısı az. Çok fazla tekrarlanan hata var.

PUAN: FAIR -

TOEFL DERS NOTLARI DEĞERLENDİRME TABLOSU

 

Level

Test Rating

Scaled Score Range

GOOD

GOOD +

GOOD -

4.0-5.0

24-30

28-30

24-27

FAIR

FAIR +

FAIR -

2.5-3.5

17-23

20-23

17-19

LIMITED

LIMITED +

LIMITED -

1.0-2.0

1-16

13-16

1-12

 

 

 

 

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